14 November 2016

Failed Boomie: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

Once again I am in need of expressing my frustration for the latest Boomie I have seen. For those who don’t know what I am about to do, check out my last post on the subject, The Mortal Instruments, just in case you think this will be a nice post…

Recently I have finished reading Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. Then I had the audacity of watching the movie. The reason why I wanted to see the movie? Well, I thought Eva Green, Judi Dench, Samuel L. Jackson, these are all big names and surely they would not get themselves involved in a crappy movie that might cost them their reputation? And Tim Burton as director this movie is going to be big! The main role was played by Asa Butterfield and I remembered him from Nanny McPhee Returns and the Merlin series. I thought he was pretty good back then so there would be no bad acting this time.

The movie starts quite in the middle of the action, no introductions, no hello, no time to comprehend the situation so for a person who has not read the book this would just be ‘whaaat?’ Characters were changed for example Jake’s friend Rick was suddenly older and had grown a pair of boobs.

I started getting a bit suspicious when grandpa’s body was found dead with his eyes gone…hey that wasn’t in the book, was it? And the reason behind the attack that the police used was quite spectacular: ‘dogs did that, they usually aim for the soft spot.’ Not only is that different from the book but it just does not make any fucking sense. Dogs did that? Dogs usually suck eyes out? Yes, really? I have never seen a dog attack in which the dog simply sucks the eyes out and then leaves the rest of the body intact. Not only do they fuck up the book straight from the beginning they also seem to think morons are watching the movie.

Then the process in which Jake thinks he is mad goes pretty fast, his doctor has also grown a pair of boobs unlike the character in the book…And then there is no time to pause for a moment and explain anything about what was happening because before you know it, we are on the island.

And there she comes to wreck the day! Ella Purnell, a bug eyed little stuck up biach completely different than what I had imagined Emma looked like while reading the book itself. Oh and small detail, she does not have the power to manipulate fire anymore, she is floating around…a power that was actually Olive’s. Oh, so you basically switched the powers of the characters, oh, no big deal, you just fucked up the whole entire story but no big deal…

The whole friendship that grows between Emma, Jake, Browning and Mildred is put aside. Why bother? It’s not like they worked together at the end of the book…because that also is totally ignored in the movie.

Enoch’s clay soldiers are replaced with some poppets…like we hadn’t seen the poppets idea before…yeah change that part in the movie because in the book it just didn’t make any sense, right?

Oh and Victor, yes, Victor is not old, his eyes are just…missing. Just so that Miss Peregrine can go outside and shoot a monster…another scene that is entirely useless and makes no fucking sense.

They left out the part with the bog boy, the bird watcher who was actually mysterious and had not talked to either Jake or his dad, dad’s own issues in writing the book and never being able to finish it and who the fuck is Mr Barron? Who the fuck is that? He was never in the book. The experiment on the ymbryne while they all sat in a circle never happened in the book. It was Miss Pelegrine’s brothers who tried the experiment and failed.

The whole end of the book makes no fucking sense whatsoever. In fact people who were watching this movie just looked at me and said: this movie makes no fucking sense! And I like an idiot was trying to convince them that the book is totally different, that the story was basically raped, torn apart, it’s like a puzzle that has been dissembled then put back together, but a lot of pieces went missing so we decided to replace them with handmade paper that doesn’t even fit!!!

Eva Green, Judi Dench, Samuel L. Jackson, shame on you. You knew very well this movie was going to be a disaster yet you decided to go along. You are great actors and you have lowered yourselves to something like this…I wonder why…

Why is it so difficult to stick to the fucking book story line? It should be the easiest thing in the world. If you want to change the book and create another story then just create your own fucking story and leave the book out of it. Am I the only one who thinks these sort of actions make no sense whatsoever? And it’s happening over and over again, Mortal Instruments, Beautiful Creatures…total bullshit movies and no one understands why people bothered making them in the first place.

My advice, don’t watch the movie! You will only cry because of the waste of talent and money and your own waste of time. Stick to the book, it’s beautiful, fun and the pictures they used in the book are actually real which gives it a wonderful magical touch. Please, for the love of God don’t watch the movie. Ignore it, forget it ever existed!

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