26 November 2016

Life is a gamble

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a restaurant completely irritated about the fact that the waitress was taking too long to take my order. I was about to leave but then the waitress finally showed up. I ordered a sandwich and within a few minutes it was in front of me.

I tasted the sandwich and I thought wow! This is incredibly good!

If the waitress had told me from the beginning that their food was so good I wouldn’t have bothered growing so impatient and irritated with her in the first place. This because I would have known that the outcome will be great.


Then I had to think about it for a moment. Doesn’t that apply to our everyday lives? If we knew something good was about to happen to us, we wouldn’t bother overthinking everything anymore. We’d look at our present differently and we would enjoy the moment knowing that good things will come our way and that those good things are certain. Unfortunately we don’t have that certitude. It would be easier wouldn’t it? To know that a job will lead you somewhere eventually so you know your efforts now will pay up later, or that a relationship will grow and become so much more so that gives you strength to put up with the down sides now. Or perhaps the other way around, if we knew now that the path we’ve chosen will lead us to nowhere we’d be able to take a different path and spare ourselves the trouble.

But we don’t!

I could have just as well gotten a crappy sandwich instead and my irritation would have just grown bigger. Or I could have left to a different restaurant and missed out on this perfect tasty sandwich.

What is the point that I’m trying to make?

Life is a gamble. If you don’t gamble at all you will never have a chance in winning. If you gamble a lot the chances are you will either win more than you could have imagined or take the worst fall you’ve ever been afraid of all your life. The decision is in your hands. Patience, forgiveness, ambition, these are all qualities you need in order to succeed but invest them in the wrong path and you’ll be wasting your time and talent. Then again there are people who say we don’t waste our time when we are trying to achieve something, even if we fail, we either win or learn.

Looking at my own life I don’t know what is better. I have the tendency of liking too many things at the same time when it comes to my hobbies, to my career perspectives and when it comes to love, well…I put all of me in it. I go all the way when it comes to the matters of the heart which also means that I fall all the way down when it goes wrong. Quote strange because when it comes to changing my career perspective I usually decide to stand in the middle afraid I might fail and will have to start all over again. From both these experiences I learn a lot but I can’t say my health finds it very invigorating. And what else do we have than our health? If our health goes down, then the story ends. So to me it’s a constant juggling between my passion, ambitions, love and my health, trying to keep them all in balance. Some might say change the way you are, the way you think. To me it’s difficult to be selfish when I care too much about others and it’s difficult to be indifferent when I can see even with my eyes closed. And I don’t want to shut myself from the world, become one of those cold hearted people, my only aim to make money and live in luxury. I am not like that. To me, if there is no one to share it with, money, life itself become completely useless. 

I talk a lot about gambling but perhaps another word for it is faith.  Have faith that all will turn out well and not worry about the future. But then again, that word seems too positive for me. I can’t say I always expect good things to happen. I am not a very positive person, never was and never will be. I just believe that being too positive creates different expectations and only leads to disappointment, while expecting the worse leads to either affirmation or pleasant surprises. 

What to do next? Perhaps start gambling a little less and then see how it goes from there. Invest in love little by little instead of spending it all at once. Not sure if that means I will suffer just a bit every day instead of suffering all at once…

I am sure you have your own opinion on the subject so I will end this post by quoting Heath Ledger’s smooth statement from the Casanova movie:



‘I have too long dominated the conversation. What are your thoughts on the matter?

14 November 2016

Failed Boomie: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

Once again I am in need of expressing my frustration for the latest Boomie I have seen. For those who don’t know what I am about to do, check out my last post on the subject, The Mortal Instruments, just in case you think this will be a nice post…


Recently I have finished reading Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. Then I had the audacity of watching the movie. The reason why I wanted to see the movie? Well, I thought Eva Green, Judi Dench, Samuel L. Jackson, these are all big names and surely they would not get themselves involved in a crappy movie that might cost them their reputation? And Tim Burton as director this movie is going to be big! The main role was played by Asa Butterfield and I remembered him from Nanny McPhee Returns and the Merlin series. I thought he was pretty good back then so there would be no bad acting this time.

The movie starts quite in the middle of the action, no introductions, no hello, no time to comprehend the situation so for a person who has not read the book this would just be ‘whaaat?’ Characters were changed for example Jake’s friend Rick was suddenly older and had grown a pair of boobs.

I started getting a bit suspicious when grandpa’s body was found dead with his eyes gone…hey that wasn’t in the book, was it? And the reason behind the attack that the police used was quite spectacular: ‘dogs did that, they usually aim for the soft spot.’ Not only is that different from the book but it just does not make any fucking sense. Dogs did that? Dogs usually suck eyes out? Yes, really? I have never seen a dog attack in which the dog simply sucks the eyes out and then leaves the rest of the body intact. Not only do they fuck up the book straight from the beginning they also seem to think morons are watching the movie.


Then the process in which Jake thinks he is mad goes pretty fast, his doctor has also grown a pair of boobs unlike the character in the book…And then there is no time to pause for a moment and explain anything about what was happening because before you know it, we are on the island.

And there she comes to wreck the day! Ella Purnell, a bug eyed little stuck up biach completely different than what I had imagined Emma looked like while reading the book itself. Oh and small detail, she does not have the power to manipulate fire anymore, she is floating around…a power that was actually Olive’s. Oh, so you basically switched the powers of the characters, oh, no big deal, you just fucked up the whole entire story but no big deal…

The whole friendship that grows between Emma, Jake, Browning and Mildred is put aside. Why bother? It’s not like they worked together at the end of the book…because that also is totally ignored in the movie.

Enoch’s clay soldiers are replaced with some poppets…like we hadn’t seen the poppets idea before…yeah change that part in the movie because in the book it just didn’t make any sense, right?

Oh and Victor, yes, Victor is not old, his eyes are just…missing. Just so that Miss Peregrine can go outside and shoot a monster…another scene that is entirely useless and makes no fucking sense.

They left out the part with the bog boy, the bird watcher who was actually mysterious and had not talked to either Jake or his dad, dad’s own issues in writing the book and never being able to finish it and who the fuck is Mr Barron? Who the fuck is that? He was never in the book. The experiment on the ymbryne while they all sat in a circle never happened in the book. It was Miss Pelegrine’s brothers who tried the experiment and failed.

The whole end of the book makes no fucking sense whatsoever. In fact people who were watching this movie just looked at me and said: this movie makes no fucking sense! And I like an idiot was trying to convince them that the book is totally different, that the story was basically raped, torn apart, it’s like a puzzle that has been dissembled then put back together, but a lot of pieces went missing so we decided to replace them with handmade paper that doesn’t even fit!!!

Eva Green, Judi Dench, Samuel L. Jackson, shame on you. You knew very well this movie was going to be a disaster yet you decided to go along. You are great actors and you have lowered yourselves to something like this…I wonder why…

Why is it so difficult to stick to the fucking book story line? It should be the easiest thing in the world. If you want to change the book and create another story then just create your own fucking story and leave the book out of it. Am I the only one who thinks these sort of actions make no sense whatsoever? And it’s happening over and over again, Mortal Instruments, Beautiful Creatures…total bullshit movies and no one understands why people bothered making them in the first place.

My advice, don’t watch the movie! You will only cry because of the waste of talent and money and your own waste of time. Stick to the book, it’s beautiful, fun and the pictures they used in the book are actually real which gives it a wonderful magical touch. Please, for the love of God don’t watch the movie. Ignore it, forget it ever existed!



26 August 2016

Demons and Angels

Yes, we have it all: demons, angels, hell and heaven and we don’t have to look very far to find it. It is all on this lovely planet we call Earth. Are these demons or angels far away from us? Are they hiding so that we cannot see them or are they walking in broad daylight, terrifying or touching our hearts to the core? Do they have grotesque faces or are they wearing pretty masks? Well, take a better look…in the mirror. The demons and the angels I am talking about are not out there, they are inside you, for you are both a demon and an angel.




I believe and I dare say this with all my heart that we all, all of us, can be pushed to the verge of suicide, no matter how weak or strong we think we are, we can all commit selfless acts and we are all, I mean fucking all of us, are capable of murder. ‘Not me’, I hear you say, ‘I wouldn’t hurt a fly’. Yes, even you! We all have our weak points, our limits, our kryptonite, our temptations and when that is triggered we become something that even we wouldn’t be able to recognize. Hell and heaven is on Earth because we have created them with our own mighty hands and hearts. No need to blame it on anyone or anything else.


I believe there are a lot of ‘incurable’ illnesses in this world that already have a cure but are kept secret. I mean, why share it and stimulate population growth? If we’d only have people dying of old age, it will all just cost more wouldn’t it? How will the rich people otherwise enjoy their overly expensive lives? And then of course get depressed because they are bored with always having everything? And yes, that’s another thing, depression. It’s one of the worst. Never take it lightly but never encourage it either. I believe a lot of people have lost the hope of a better life, their purpose in life becoming meaningless, a lot of us wake up every day realizing we cannot do anything more than breathe and live out our lives. Some of us grew up believing we could become great some day but, slowly yet certainly, we faced the painful slaps, day by day realizing that that dream will only stay a dream. Some of us decide to end it and end our lives with it. Others decide to fight anyway. That doesn’t make any of these choices weak. That’s the point of life. We should all have a choice. The worse thing in life is when the choice is made for us: others keeping us dead while we want to live or keeping us alive when all we want is to parish.



Yes, perhaps this is another of my posts that will only make sense to perhaps 2% of the ones that read it. But it doesn’t matter. We are everything and nothing all at once, we can love and hate with all our hearts, envy or wish everyone the best, fight or accept, murder or let live, wake up crying or wake up smiling, complain or keep it on the inside, hurt or be hurt, scream or sing it out, bring people closer to us or push them away, live for yourself or for others too, keep it all to yourself or share it, cover it all up or show it all, live or die. That’s our choice is it not? We can all choose to become angels or demons, make this place a hell or heaven. And of course, we can choose to be both, an angel with a touch of demon, half demon half angel, or a demon with a drop of angel. What’s the difference? What’s the point of struggling everyday and trying to keep the right demon/angel balance? Well, it all depends on you. How do you want to live? Do you want to live in a hell or in a heaven? Some don’t even have a choice but I am sure you do. So what will it be? What will you become? 

24 July 2016

Stop your nonsense baby

What can I say in this new world that is continuously changing? A world where Social Media is becoming more and more powerful getting people running around like zombies chasing invisible monsters, bitches photoshopping their everyday pictures before posting them and morons judging people who do not have Facebook as if they do not have a personal life?

Nothing has changed, people have always cared about their appearance, about what others think of them, about showing people that they have money, that they are smart, that they are happy, that they are popular. People have always needed someone to envy their lives, their happiness, admire their relationships, tell them how beautiful and perfect they are even if it comes from complete strangers.



Shallowness has never left our side. With Social Media is has only been magnified. And we have grown more insecure because we decide to put ourselves out there and actually give a fuck about what our ‘friends’ think of us. And wonder why that person did not give a ‘like’ and decide not to ‘like’ them back. It’s basically our normal behavior only now we decided to monitor it on screen. New lovers trying to show the world how in love they are by posting every private moment they have together on Facebook. Well, do tell me, if you are truly having a romantic dinner, why the fuck are you sitting with your mobile in your hands? Why aren’t you looking your lover in the eyes? We look at video’s and read texts of people who actually are living their lives out there and wonder why our lives have grown more and more meaningless. We use the internet to tell us how sick we are, how in love we are, if our partner is truly a match, if we are happy…The moment you start searching for answers in other places, it’s the moment someone’s got to hit you with a hammer hard on your head. Live your life and stop your bullshit! Yeah I know, I myself am using Social Media to actually be able to make you read this…isn’t it fucking ironic?

Yes, yes, I am in one of those moods. I grow grumpy when I see people becoming even more and more stupid and doing nothing to improve their actual life. Well, I grow grumpy for a moment and then I let it go. Why would I give a damn about this world? Many might see me as a loner but I am just a 30 plus human with a very low tolerance to ignorance and stupidity. You will learn that as the years pass you by you will realize how precious your own time is and how pointless it is to waste it on fake friendships, negative relationships and well basically total nonsense. You will realize that you should always do the things you like, always say what you want to say and follow your own path no matter how weird and freaky it is to others. And don’t be hard on yourself if on a Friday night you find yourself all alone in your home smoking cigs and drinking. It’s perfectly normal! You aren’t a loser! You aren’t a freak! And you do not have any mental problem! New mental illnesses get invented every single day to put a label on whatever you are feeling. Ignore that shit. We always have the need to name everything we don’t understand and explain it in such ways that everyone will think they have it. Give me a fucking break.

If you have the feeling the world has gone mad, well please do realize that the world has always been mad. Now they just have easier access to certain things. And we have easier access to see all the shit that is going on in the world, every detail, every bloody drop. Because let’s face it, people are always hungry for tragedies, shocking news, sex and violence. People love it! If we wouldn’t then the news wouldn’t be filled with it. And the media needs to make money too. Money. Money is still power. Always has, always will be.

I accept all these things but it does not mean I have to give a damn about it. I am following my own narrowed street in life, not sure where it is going but as long as I can enjoy the view nothing else matters. And if I happen to come across you in the way, I have all the time in the world so we can go to an inn, have a drink or two and talk about your own travelling.





Life is beautiful, fucked up people messed it up but life alone is beautiful. I like to see the world, travel, talk to people who still listen to their hearts, play with animals, make music listening to the rhythm of love and just live. It’s not that hard.

17 June 2016

When fear changes into love


I must confess, I have never been on a holiday alone. Yet circumstances made that happen. No matter how much I pushed and tried to avoid that situation, it just fucking happened.

I wasn’t very eager on the concept. I found it so strange to travel alone, be surrounded by couples and families and to be just with myself. In the beginning I hated it. I just didn’t like it one bit. I found it so odd and just unreal. I was alone with my thoughts, my pain, my memories and I was driving myself crazy. But then I said to myself, I have two choices: either I cry every day, lock myself up and feel miserable, or I can just let go and see what happens.
And so many good things happened.

My fears changed into serenity. I walked on the beach and stared at the sea, I stared at the sun for hours. I loved feeling of the wind in my hair and to be just with me. My thoughts that first drove me insane started to vanish. I had no more thoughts, I had no more worries. Just me. Me, right now and no one else.

But the loneliness didn’t last long. I made new friends. Sudden but so beautiful. At first I was skeptic. I was even distant because I didn’t understand the sudden change. I was going to be here alone for a week, not make friends and laugh. I was going to be crawled in my sanctuary, all quiet and silent, not talk and open up. But these friends were not going to let that happen. They ‘forced’ me to come back to my social self and become alive again.

The day trips also offered me wonderful experiences. I saw the ruins of Effes and I was totally impressed by how our world used to look like. It’s amazing to hear stories about the past and imagine it into the here and now. And then realize what the fuck happened to the world? Look at us worrying about the most pathetic little things instead of living our lives like we truly should.
I found peace and complete serenity at Saint Mary's house. I loved it and it was an experience that I can't even explain. I will just remember it until I die...and far beyond my death.

On my birthday I wasn’t alone anymore. I missed home but I wasn’t alone. And the pathetic me that was going to be sad for that day was now smiling, happy, at peace and even willing to party her ass off. I didn’t mind telling people that on my birthday I did absofucking nothing. Just on the beach, got tanned and listened to music. To me it was perfect!

The next day we went on a boat trip and there was a moment. One moment when I was alone. When I stared at the sea and wondered if there is a God out there after all. A moment when I wondered there is something there, someone out there and I felt protected and loved. I don’t believe in God but I do believe in the fact that there is more out there than we realize. Much more. We are merely humans and the world is much bigger than us, it would be arrogant to think that we are the only ones on this planet. We are not special, we are not big, we are only ants trying to survive. But this ant stopped and looked ahead and she felt something powerful. Not everyone will understand this part. You guys will probably think I smoked something but to be honest, like always, I don’t give a fuck!


Then more came. I had friends, I had fun, I had peace, what else could come? The feeling of being beautiful again, of being desired, of being loved. The moment you start looking in the mirror and smile. The moment you feel something in your belly and you think, no way I can still feel that. That is not for me anymore. I am too old, too tired to feel that. I am too smart and have been through too much to believe in that. Sometimes you gotta stop thinking and you just need to feel. Just feel. Don’t think about the future, don’t worry, don’t start thinking of what others might think, just feel…

I don’t want to be one of those people who says ooooh on this journey I have found myself and ohhh I am so changed. That’s just bullshit. We constantly find ourselves and we constantly change so that’s not my point. I guess what I am trying to say is that this journey took a different path than I expected. Whatever you feel, whatever you think, sometimes things happen and you will have no control over them. So don’t panic, don’t be afraid. Just enjoy it and let it happen.

Don’t be afraid to be alone on a trip. Some of you already travel alone and that’s good. Those who don’t, don’t be afraid of it. It’s fine, it really is. And who knows what you might find.
Thanks for reading this, here is a picture of Skippy enjoying himself, like he always does :)

  

16 May 2016

Durere de scriitor

Am zis să mai scriu și eu în Română că tot m-am întors acasă. Să sperăm că nu fac greșeli prea mari dar na, dacă fac, asta e, ca și în viață, mai bine cu greșeli decât să nu incerc deloc.

Proful meu de chitară mi-a spus o dată că atunci când suntem triști sau răniți putem creea cea mai frumoasă muzică de pe lumea asta. În schimb, atunci când suntem fericiți, n-avem nicio treabă și fugim în lume să ne bucurăm de tot și de toate.

Asta m-a pus oarecum pe gânduri. Când scriu eu cel mai mult? Atunci când sunt tristă sau fericită? Și îmi dau seama că atunci când sunt fericită nu prea am chef de scris. De obicei îmi găsesc inspirația când mă confrunt cu emoții puternice și chiar devastatoare. Atunci încep cuvintele să curgă din mine.

Și așa am inceput să mă gândesc la toți scriitorii pe care i-am admirat de-alungul vieții. De exemplu Bram Stoker. Fusese îndrăgostit de un actor toată viața lui dar dorința nu i-a fost niciodată îndeplinită. Dacă citești cu atenție Dracula, îți vei da seama că acea poveste a capturat ceva din durerea lui Bram. Femeile din viața lui Edgar Allan Poe se pare că l-au ‘abandonat’ una câte una începând cu propria sa mamă. Dacă nu ar fi trecut prin toată acea durere, nu cred că ar fi reușit să scrie vreodată poezii și povești atât de întunecate și puternice cum ar fi ‘The Raven’. Sau viața lui Emily Bronte și a surorilor ei, Mary Shelley și moartea soțului ei și așa mai departe. Experiența lor, durerea lor este ce a dat naștere la adevărata lor fața, imagine, creație, la poveștile și cărțile pe care le citim cu așa mare drag în ziua de azi. Gândește-te la asta, cum poți să scrii despre pierderea cuiva dacă nu ai trecut niciodată prin asta? Cum poți scrie de o inimă zdrobită dacă nu ți s-a întamplat ție niciodată așa ceva?

 
Dacă nu aș fi avut acele momente în viața mea când pur și simplu îmi venea să îmi smulg capul de pe umeri, cu păr cu tot și să-mi zdrobesc creierul de un perete de nenumarate ori, nu cred că aș fi putut vreodată să scriu de un personaj care se simte la fel. Dacă nu aș fi știut cum e să ai o inimă frânta în mii și mii de bucățele nu aș fi putut să scriu în detalii cum este acel sentiment.

E urât când o spun dar poate că scriitorii trebuie să treacă prin anumite experiențe în viață ca să ne poată atinge inima atât de puternic. E urât că o spun pentru că viețile lor au fost tragice toate sfârșind în întuneric.

Când cineva a trăit o viață frumoasă, bogată și se apucă să-ți scrie despre sărăcie și mizerie, pot spune că nu e atât de convingătoare toată treaba. Nu știu, poate gândesc eu ciudat. Dar pentru mine adevărații scriitori sunt cei care simt în profunzime tot ce scriu și au habar de ceea ce pun pe hârtie. Și nu numai scriitorii dar și cântareții, compozitorii, viața lui Mozart de exemplu care a fost o adevărată aventură, tragedie, iubire, pierdere, tot ce vrei și nu-mi spune că nu simți asta când asculți opera lui, când te uiți la Don Giovanni și aștepți cu sufletul la gură până la sfârșitul piesei.

Toți acești scriitori, artiști, personalitați și-au dat viața pentru creațiile lor, pentru că au crezut în ceva mai puternic decât ei înșiși, au avut o viziune neînfricată, au incercat să dedice arta lor pentru cei care au rămas și de multe ori chiar pentru cei care s-au dus inaintea lor.

 
Cum se naște adevărata artă? Prin sacrificii. Multe sacrificii și un sfârșit tragic de fiecare data. Sper să nu ajung așa cu toate că uneori e o mare ceartă între îngerii și demonii din mine. Sper totuși să pot lăsa durerile vieții pe hârtie iar în realitate să încep să văd lucrurile cu niște ochi mai fericiți. Dar e greu, e foarte greu să vezi lumina într-o lume atât de întunecată și mai rău, o lume complet ignorantă. Uneori mă uit în jur și mă gândesc oare mai citește lumea o carte, mai ascultă lumea muzica adevărată sau preferă să se uite în acel ecrănel care ne mănâncă inteligența și talentul? Uneori nici nu știu dacă mai are sens să scriu. Cine mai citește? Să mă opresc oare din scris? Nu, niciodata. Problema e că trebuie să scriu. Nu mă pot opri chiar dacă aș vrea. Trebuie să scriu, să sufăr, să scriu, să iubesc apoi să sufăr din nou. Pentru că până la urma, asta e viața nu? Plină de dragoste, tragedii și sacrificii.

30 April 2016

How to lose a girl in 10 dates


Life seems to go so quickly sometimes that I forget to stop and take a look around me, at how much the world has changed since I was a teenager. Sure, the world is constantly changing yet remains the same, stupidity never stops surprising us, cruelty never ceases to shock us and kindness always makes our heart beat a little bit faster. And speaking of a faster heartbeat, what about love? More specific what about the journey we make before we get to that love stage? Yes, I am talking about dating.
 
 
 

What happened to dating since I was a teenager and now? Well it got totally fucked up, I can tell you that.

1.      Common interest

This is the pre-date evaluation. Unlike let’s call them the ‘old days’, you don’t need to talk to your person of interest anymore to find out what he or she likes. Just get on that Facebook page (after the ‘ooooh so nervous will he accept my invitation’ phase) and find out all you need to know. Cause you know, Facebook creates such a perfect picture of how reality is like. Haven’t you noticed how much you judge a person or create an image in your head of a person just by looking on their Facebook page? Don’t lie to me! I do it too, it’s normal, it’s common, yet probably the worst thing you can do. Sure you can say ‘those pictures are kinda whorish’ or ‘if that’s her ex than I am so much better’ but come on, you create an image in your head, dreamy or not, meet the person and then are surprised you got it all wrong? Think people, think!

2.      Arranging a date

You see, back in the ‘old days’ we had no mobile phones, messenger, whatsapp and all that crap. You had a date, you arranged it by phone and then you went to the date. God forbid your date was late, there was no way in telling you that. You just had to wait. And if you had the unfortunate situation of getting stood up, then it was a long waiting of shame and heartbreak until you realized ‘hey that fucker stood me up!’

In the ‘new world’ arranging a date is like already being on the date the moment you leave home. I mean first of all you have a broad choice on how to contact the person of interest, you have so many ways that sometimes you don’t even know what to choose. Twenty messages before getting to your destination with ‘I’m on my way now,’ ‘can’t wait’ and ‘where are you standing?’ Getting stood up ain’t that easy anymore either. You don’t have to wait until you get come, call the bastard and find out. Now you can just call, text, send an angry emoji and boom get your frustration out.

You’d say people are now more considered because of all the new technology, because you can reach a person easier and confront them with the facts. Wrong. People now care less because of the new technology. We’ve become immune to acts of decency and etiquette.

3.      Dating: the test

Remember those days when if you both liked pasta or listened to that same band and that was kinda the most amazing match ever? Well not anymore suckers! Dating now is like a job interview, no more no less than a job interview. You don’t actually have to tell them how much you earn but showing it, might be a good start. Today’s dating has put such a huge accent on your financial status that you can’t even show up on a date without wearing a brand. No, I’m exaggerating you know but you get the point. Questions like, ‘where do you live?’, ‘Where do you work?’ and ‘Do you have a car?’ You’d think are pure out of interest but a woman is already creating a picture in her head, ‘uuu it sounds like he makes good money’ or ‘hmmm I really don’t like that area in the city, I wouldn’t wanna live there’. Questions like ‘do you like sports?’ makes a guy wonder how you’ll look like in 10 years. ‘Man, if she doesn’t sport now and she already looks like this…’

And talking about your dating experience is taboo. I mean if you used to talk about how many dates or boyfriends you had back in the old days, today’s world is a big fat no way. Though I think the cliché is still out there, a man who had a lot of women is probably good in the sack and a woman who had a few men is probably less of a whore, excuse my expression but we know we are all judgmental little fucks.

4.      Flirting

I can’t say I am very impressed with the flirting via social media. We used to call each other up and say ‘hey, so, what are you wearing?’ Now a girl can just send you a picture of her making those lips pout looking a bit like a goat’s asshole. Not really pretty unless a guy is thinking on that moment of what he would like to do with that mouth and it ain’t kissing. I must say what really impresses me and makes me feel all fuzzy on the inside is the new trend of guy’s sending pictures of their dicks to their crush. I mean, can it get any more romantic than this? At least you get to see the size beforehand. And those emojis (don’t you just fucking hate the world to begin with?) with different meanings are just so wrong. Did you know, of course you did, that the eggplant emoji means a dick and a taco means a vagina? An eggplant? Since when did men grow so confident on thinking their dicks are that big? And don’t let me get started on that taco. All I can think of is Jim Carrey’s words ‘too much cheese on the taco.’ And then the symbol for ‘sex’ is basically those two hands. I mean come on, all I can think of is, did they think of all of this shit beforehand when they came up with them? If not then they must be so proud now.

 
5.      First base –Third base

What can I say about first base? In the old days you could kiss a girl at the end of the date and it would be a bit daring or bold perhaps. Now, well, people hump each other a few hours after meeting in a club so that ‘first base’ to ‘third base’ development has kinda become ‘base’ in the new days. Though some men still don’t like it if a woman gets down on the first night, it’s not uncommon anymore. Back in the old days you liked someone and you’d get to the sex part eventually, after you got to know them a bit better. Today’s world is, ‘ok I like this person but before I get to know her better I need to know if there is a match in bed’. The accent on sex is even stronger than before. If we thought that people in the old days were obsessed with sex well today we are just total freaks. But sex was always a big passion of the human kind. Ok, so we don’t watch porn on TV anymore big deal but the internet is so filled with wonderful surprises (feel the sarcasm?). Anyway, so basically no more rules on when to do it, it’s more of how you’ll do it. Don’t look like a total perv the first time you get jiggy with it but don’t sit there like a corpse either. Somewhere in between, a sweet perv or a lively corpse.

6.      ‘So this was fun, I will call you again sometimes’

Just like Chandler’s words in Friends, this phrase still applies. If a guy says he’ll call you, it doesn’t mean he’ll actually call you. Today we don’t wait for a guy to call, we just check his messenger and whatsapp to see when he’s online. And we have the wonderful Facebook stalking machine when a desperate woman can track you down like a dog, she can watch your every move and even see when you read her messages and didn’t bother to respond. So today’s social media is even better for stalkers than back in the old days when you just followed someone around. Ah, those where the days. At least then you made an effort into stalking someone, today stalking is just way too comfortable (sarcasm again people!)

7.      And now what?

After dating and dating for like ever, you finally find someone and well, after a while you realize you are not really that ready for commitment yet. So now you need to dump the person but here is the tricky part, how do you do that? Dumping is one of the finest arts of the world. Not anyone can do this part. It requires expertise. The best way to dump a person is to give such a good excuse to actually make the victim feel sorry for you and even apologize. Here we go.

Constanza’s ‘It’s not you, it’s me’. Back in the old days you could use this expression like tons of times. If you do that now people will just slap you blue. But, put it in a new coat for example ‘I have so much on my mind right now’ or ‘I am at a certain moment in life where I need to refind myself’ and people will just eat that crap like hot shit on a plate. You could of course also use the ex excuse ‘me and my girlfriend decided to give it another try’ or ‘my boyfriend just asked me to marry him’. Those are just as good.

If I think about it nothing is actually changed about dating. It has just been ‘improved’ I guess. People are just as gullible and easily misled as then, men are just as uncommitted as then and women just as materialistic. Not all of course, just about 99,9% of them.

My advice? Not that I am in any position of doing so. Fuck it all! Be yourself! If people don’t like you, just tell them to fuck themselves. And hey, you don’t even have to tell them in person, use the emoji on your whatsapp.
 
Don’t change for others and don’t end up with someone just of being afraid of ending up alone, don’t settle for less but do think of what you have to offer, as a person, not financially, before you have any expectations of others.

Thank you for reading my blog, here are some emojis for your trouble.

31 March 2016

Dreaming away with Omario2d














When you look at this sketch, what do you feel? Does it make you happy? Sad? Nostalgic? Or do you feel nothing? Look a bit closer, come on, take your time…
When I first laid my eyes on this image I smiled, a wonderful feeling taking hold of me. I felt the breeze of a summer night, I heard the music. I felt the connection between the two and heard their heartbeats as they were living in their own moment. I have fallen in love with this image. Now I look at it every day as I have set it up as my desktop wallpaper.
One morning I was browsing through Facebook looking for inspiration and I somehow ended up on Omario Brunelleschi’s page. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I realized the sketches on his page were actually his own work. And the way he introduced himself, so humble:  ‘Hey guys, I'm an English Italian aspiring artist living in England. I'll share my personal work with you here, I hope you enjoy!’
There are so many artists in this world, so many that it has become more and more difficult to break through. But what I do find sad is that some, because they know people, even if their art is poor they end up famous because of their right network (oh yes I truly believe that not all art is great, there is also shitty art and there is a lot of it out there). Others, who are ten times more talented can spend a lifetime without getting any recognition for their work and because of what? Because they were perhaps too shy and modest. Well, I may not be able to help Omario become world famous but I will definitely share his art with you.
There is so much good art out there but we tend to look through them like braindead zombies. I see people every day staring at their little mobiles, scrolling down and down endlessly, their brains turning into mush. Stop! Take your time to ‘see’. I ask you to look through the next sketches and take your time, understand what the artist is trying to tell you and feel whatever you want to feel. And I will share with you how these sketches feel to me.

1. The guy next door
“I’ve never been more eager to get home. Since he moved in the apartment across I just can’t stop thinking about him. I feel sad if a day passes without seeing his face, his smile. Even though he doesn’t always know I watch him from behind my curtains. I feel like such a child! I never truly dare to stay on my balcony when he’s there. I just feel like I’d make a fool out of myself if I talk to him. I think he lives alone. I never see anyone else in there. He seems to be quite a loner. Sometimes he looks sad and sank in thoughts. But he’s always cheerful when he plays his guitar. Every time I hear him playing I stand by the balcony door and dream away. He’s really good at it. One evening he caught me standing there. It was so embarrassing. He stopped playing, came over to the balcony and asked me to give him my opinion about a new song he was working on. I never felt more flattered. I never felt more in love.”

2. Nighttime music
“Ever since I was young I liked staring out of the window at night and listen to music. Sometimes I’d listen to one particular song over and over again and think of a story, a moment or think of my crush, if she’s thinking of me right now, if she even knows I exist, if she’s perhaps like me, doing the same thing at this very moment. I used to listen to my cassette recorder and hated it when the batteries ran out or that I had to rewind back to my favorite song. Then the CD player came out and it was quicker though the battery thing was still a problem. Years have passed and now I listen to my iPhone. Though the world around me changed so much, when I’m sitting on my bed, staring at the sparkling sky, when I feel the music and ignore all the messages on my phone, I realize, I’m still me. “

3. Take your time
“Nothing compares to serenity. Being in the right place at the right time. I used to think that a lot of friends, parties, cars, money and owning a lot of expensive stuff made me happy. But when I spent that last summer at my grams I woke up. I had forgotten how much joy a cup of coffee can bring. The smell of fresh ground coffee beans and the feeling that I have all the time in the world to enjoy it. I used to think I had not enough time to do anything. Now I realize I didn’t take the time. Sometimes you need to take your time and not complain about it slipping through your fingers. My gram’s new dog stares at me with that stupid look on his face. He’s a year old but has the spirit and curiosity of a puppy. He follows me everywhere. He did that since day one and although I hated it at first now I can’t imagine going anywhere without him. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m happy just where I am right now and for a very long time I could not have said that.”
4. Crazy in love
“She’s insane. Maybe that’s the reason I love her. She’s not insane in a bad way, don’t get me wrong. She’s just one of those people who enjoys the little things in life and gets excited about the strangest stuff like a new chips flavor, a new episode of her favorite TV show or the fact that she saw a squirrel in the park. It’s stupid I know but you should see the look on her face when she tells me those things, that glow in her eyes eager to live every day to the fullest and trying to drag old grumpy me with her. She changed my life and I can’t imagine my life without her. I used to be so negative about just about everything and now…well I am still a bit negative but I’m not sad anymore. I wake up, look at her and just feel like smiling for no particular reason. And when she decided to take me somewhere in the middle of nowhere, away from the city, just so we can watch the falling stars, I really didn’t mind. I remember that night as she was pulling me after her and said, ‘let’s sit on the swing, watch the stars and make wishes for everyone we know.’ I found it a stupid idea but then I realized why we didn’t need to make wishes for us. Our wishes had already come true.”
Thank you Omario for making this post possible!
If you've enjoyed Omario's art and appreciated it then please let him know:


23 March 2016

One year in Romania

These past days I just can’t shake off Cee Lo Green’s song ‘Music to my Soul’. I love the words and the beat making me want to travel to New Orleans straight away. One day I will get there though.

Yesterday it turned exactly one year since I came to Romania. One year. I can’t believe it. Sure, I travelled back and forth a few times to Holland but I’ve been living in Bucharest for a year now and I really can’t believe it went so fast. But, when I put on paper what has happened this last year I am startled by how much has taken place, good and bad things. I could write them down one by one but I’d just feel like I’m talking about myself again and I did that a lot in this past year, my emotions, my fears, letting go and embracing the uncertainties. I don’t know, just feels old to start repeating myself because then it might sound like I’m trying to brag about it and that’s really not what I’m trying to do here. Besides, there is nothing to brag about, I just decided to go home and now I feel at home. This is what I did, nothing more and nothing less. I did have some strange dreams though, so many strange dreams and I keep on wondering whether they were real or not (inspired by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law's Shadowscapes)

I dreamt I was a little girl again and was going to school for the first time. I was so nervous and scared. I didn’t know what to expect and I was so afraid I might get lost. The first weeks, months were hard and I cried a lot but then I started getting used to it all and the things that seemed to scare me so much in the beginning became insignificant now.
 
 
 
I dreamt I met the boogey man but once I saw him he wasn’t that scary anymore. In fact I wasn’t sure why I had been so scared of him in the first place. I felt braver, stronger and I even dared talking to him. We even got along at one point and I realized putting all my fears aside that we actually might have some small things in common.
 

 
I dreamt that some of the other kids were laughing at me. So I became afraid of what to wear and how to act. But one day, I realized they don’t matter, their opinion doesn’t count. I realized those kids are just as insecure as I am, perhaps even more.  I like me just the way I am and I shouldn’t prove myself to anyone, I shouldn’t act like I am happy when I am not or try to please everyone else. I started ignoring the other kids and eventually the mean kids disappeared.

I dreamt mama Bear was far away from her cub and was crying all the time. She grew sick and alone. I wasn’t sure how much longer she would survive. Her cub was missing her too but seemed lost in its own forest. Eventually the cub was able to find its way home and came back to its mother. Mama Bear and the cub got reunited once more and lived happily ever after.
I dreamt of riding on a white horse together with Prince Charming. Suddenly I spotted a yellow rose nearby. It was one of those yellow with pink roses like the ones my grandma had. I decided to lean over and pluck the rose while still riding the horse. But when I tried to pluck the rose, I lost my balance, fell off the horse and lost my Prince for he hadn’t noticed I had fallen off and he continued his journey.

 
I dreamt of cold, dark days that wouldn’t allow me to leave the house because the wind kept the door shut. I fought to open the door but it was too strong. When I finally gave up, everything around me grew quiet. I looked outside and saw a weak beam of light. I walked to the door and opened it. It just opened so easily that it amazed me. I stepped outside and it was warm thought it still looked rainy and grey. I wasn’t sure why I had felt so helpless before.

 
I dreamt of staring in a mirror and finding the exact male version of me. I was so happy that he existed. He seemed older and wiser, funny, talented and just as crazy as I am. He had my smile, my charisma and acted just the way I did. But then I stared in his eyes a bit closer and realized they were black. His eyes were black as coal and dark, much darker than I had imagined. I realized my eyes have not grown dark just yet, no matter what I’ve been through my eyes are not that dark. I had made a mistake. He was not a reflection, just a mistake.

I dreamt of meeting a girl at school one day named Faith who always seemed to frighten me. She wore stars on her dress and had strange sparkling hair. I always tried to avoid her whenever she came close and I never wanted to look her straight in the eyes. She was friends with another girl called Hope and a boy named Trust. I didn’t like them one bit. One day I fell and hurt my knee. Faith just came up to me and helped me stand up again. Since that day on I decided to accept her and her friends. We don’t talk all too often but when we do, they always cheer me up and I don’t try to avoid them any longer.